Thursday, May 15, 2014

What I missed, and what I miss

I have been kinda feeling glimpses of the life that I loved. I think we all can think back to a time of our lives that things just seemed great.  Not easy, but just happy, and how you pictured.  For me, it was 2009-2010.  Maybe a year or two before and after.  But I decided to go back to my blog and see how things were…what was different, what's the same.  I can feel things getting back there, and I want to keep it that way.   I found this blog post called "Things I miss":

I miss having 2 weeks off 3x a year to do whatever we wanted...usually road trips through a few states.

I miss my hair

I miss Melissa (a friend that shouldn't live so far from me)

I miss the cheap pedicure place in Lewisville where the ladies always said I should be a model....I know they say it at all of them, but they'd always pick me out of whoever I was with and say, "you be model". I miss those ladies...I wanna see them everyday!

I miss playing on the golf coarse behind our Texas apartment when it was covered in snow. Or right after a big rain storm when the kids would run out ther snaked and splash around.

I miss my husband

I miss living really close to my sisters so I could go see them a few times a week.

I miss putting baby Jaden in the stroller and roller blading with him around Thatcher.

I miss going out into the parking lot of our texas apartment and letting the kids ride bikes and scooters for an hour before dad came home almost every day.

I miss perky boobs

I miss working with Jase for EA Glass.

I DON"T miss my Texas apartment

I DON"T miss getting glared at in the WIC offices

I DON"T miss humidity

I DON"T miss my DRebel

I DON'T miss my cell phone

I DON"T miss golf balls flying at our huge sliding glass door every day (breaking it completely one day)

I DON"T miss the guy following me and the kids with a gun.

I DON"T miss our first 3 months of marriage....fighting fighting fighting

I DON"T miss traffic

Ok, there it is. There were a ton I was thinking of at 1am this morning as I was laying in bed. Oh, here's where it started

I miss holding my babies in bed with me. I'm dreading having a last baby. DREADING IT!

I DON"T miss the first 3 months of nursing Boston, and only 4 months of nursing Pearce. I wish it would have worked but it was emotionally and physically HORRIBLE for me.

I feel the same way about all of these.  but I'm now to the point of the dreaded day….my last baby!  And it does suck…just as badly as I had imagined it….but I can't do it again.   New things I miss about the time I wrote this post:

I miss my house.  My house that was almost half the size of this house we're in now, but twice the awesomeness. I cried looking back at blog posts of it, and would love to be back there.  

I miss my tiny town. I miss going on runs or walks or bike rides EVERYDAY and waving to everyone. I miss my dad coming to our house on his walks to say hi to the kids and make sure the chickens were ok.  

I miss the chickens.

I miss having a good metabolism.  I know I screwed it up with my binging during pregnancies then dieting after…majorly…more than anyone. (70pound average with all 5…off and on…except not off after #1 and #2 all the way).

I miss not having a cell phone.  I'm tempted every week to chuck it under my bed like I did that fine 2009 day…where it stayed for a couple of years.

I miss not having FB….I WILL be done with FB SOON.

I miss my friend Jana.   Everytime I get a few days with her, I miss her the second she's gone!  If I didn't want to annoy the crap out of her, i'd call her everyday and ask her how to do things, or what stinking inspiring thing she's doing that day.

I don't miss not having 5 kids.  I'll admit, 2 and 4 kids were both easy times for us.  1 and 3 were trying, and 5 really is completely complicated…and I was forewarned by many that 5 is the kicker…but the more I step back and realize what the chaos is…it's just the older ones getting more busy…it had nothing to do with having 5.  5 is awesome…my 5 are extremely awesome!

I don't miss post partum.  NEver had it for more than a week or two…or three, until Vivian, and um, it was almost 2 years…and it came out as anger and sadness, so it made it difficult to make any friends, so i felt I was very alone.  I don't miss that.

I don't miss being enrichment leader in the last few wards we were in…oh yea, because I AM AGAIN!

I don't miss my hair as much this time.   I am sad because it's going to take twice as long to grow back as it did all of the other times since I usually just got pregnant and it was long again in a few months…and that won't be happening.  But I just don't care too much about how I look anymore…bad and good.  

I do however miss not being body obsessed. After my first 2 babies I was huge…like size 16…and I didn't beat myself up too much about it.  But now that I'm in a size 10, I beat myself up EVERYDAY…many times a day about it.  And I can't figure out how not to.

I don't miss my single days.  there are parts that I think about and remember how much fun they were, but I'm so glad I have J and this little family. I really am living my dream life….(just wish it were out of the city….soon enough I hope)

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